LIKE ME!

For a long time, I resisted the Facebook LIKE button. To me, it was an avatar of everything I hated about Facebook -  this lazy, de-personalized, systematized social relation. If you REALLY like something, you can afford to write two, three words…maybe even an ENTIRE SENTENCE! Right? Just like txt-speek leaking into the internet, I found the like an abhorrent phenomenon. Is it that hard to express yourself? Is it that difficult to write “to be honest” instead of “tbh” or “talk to ya later” instead of “ttyl”? Let’s be honest – you’re not in a rush there. You’re not texting and trying to save credit, or writing on the fly. You’re seating your fat ass in front of your PC and procrastinating. Is it that tedious to write up a full sentence instead of a slew of acronyms? Can it be that laborious to write “I love the chorus of that song!” instead of clicking LIKE.?

This means: I find it really hard to express my enjoyment textually

 Needless to say, while I held on for long, I now click like just like anyone else. I still feel a pang of guilt when I don’t write something more but most of the time – I simply cannot be bothered. And there is the key.

If observed from a far enough vantage point, the internet is evolving to a position of distancing. I’ve mentioned before how using social networks, and the internet in general, leads to living in a entirely different social stratosphere. The rules are all different, the etiquette askew – Put a smiley, or you will appear angry, don’t use caps or it will seem like you are shouting, don’t like funeral posts (or do?), send birthday wishes to people you barely know….the list goes on. Twitter has the hashtag and the 140 character limit - what better way to funnel communication into a junk food format? Let us not even go into the abbreviation LOL (laugh out loud, for all you cavemen). I've heard people SAYING LOL in REAL LIFE. As in in my face, not ironically. Do you realize how paradoxical that is? You are SAYING a ABBREVIATION of the sentence LAUGH OUT LOUD. If you use LOL in any manner, ask yourself - when is the last time you've used LOL while ACTUALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD? Yes, I realize I'm not exactly re-inventing the wheel here - the LOL silliness has been documented even in its early days. But it's the bizarre nature of these internet communication rules and regulations that leave an impression.

    You don't see it, but this man is laughing out loud so hard,  that clock might fall off soon.

What’s startling to me about this phenomenon is that if one analyses it further you will notice its rituals and traits are actually tools for social distancing. This is why people rant endlessly about how computers will make you asocial – because they make you a different KIND of social. A lazy, speedy kind of social.

All these traits of the “new internet” social relations are built to take social responsibility from you, to make it as easy as possible NOT to communicate with someone. Like weapons – the evolution of weaponry consisted of moving the killer as far away from the victim as possible: first a stone, then a knife, then a sword, then a bow, then a gun, then a missile. The same goes for social relation in the 21^st century – its about being social but having as little possible contact with another human as possible.

OMG! LIKE!

You don’t NEED to write why you like something, it’s a waste of time and it demands conversation – and we don’t want conversation. We just want the other person to acknowledge that you find whatever they have shared valuable.  This is also key – eliminating the need for reproach.  With Facebook you can now congratulate someone for something WITHOUT EVER NEEDING TO TALK TO THEM. Until this, the only option was to SMS them – but that implied specific contact, almost like sending someone a personal message in their inbox. It calls for an answer, re-approach. If it is, however, on someones public page, this response is not necessary. There is no NEED for additional communication – I understand you don’t want to talk to me any more, and you understand I don’t want to talk to you. It’s like that friend you meet on the street and you agree to have coffee sometimes, knowing full well neither of you will ever heed that call. Except now it’s for everyone.

Very soon there will be an internet “protocol”, if you will, for almost every kind of social exchange. You will write Cto (check this out), followed by a link. People will like it. You’ll receive an invite for an event which you will decline, clicking on a “I’l be busy that day” button that automatically responds to the invite with that sentence. You’ll arrange stuff over Skype, with smileys at the end of every sentence because hell, you don’t wanna offend anybody! The sentences will be short, and anything longer (probably copy-pasted) will be written off with a tl:dr (too long, didn’t read). If you need to work with someone, on something, it’s better done via Skype chat or Google docs – that way you don’t actually have to TALK to the person, you can just hurl ideas at each other and conclude them with acronyms (GJ!). Finally, you’re going to see a video or two that you really enjoy, and like it on Youtube. You wont be bothered to actually write why you like it, the top comment is already a witty, short version of what you want to say – so you like that too. Gj! The less human contact, the better. Because who has time for that shit anyway?

GIRLS AND BOYS

Part 1:  Subtle Sexism

Men and women are undeniably different. The psychological consequences of both our physical differences and our cultural upbringing take a serious toll on the way we communicate , magnifying the gap between us. But, once we get down to it, at the end of the day we are all human. And as humans, we are prone to errors.

One such error is more evident on the men's side - the tendency to attribute some universal issues, such as problems in communication, to women. How many times have you heard those vaguely sexist remarks such as "ah, women!" or "don't even try to understand, its the way girls are".

The issue here is not whether or not there are differences, but separating which of these differences are gender based. Many traditional problems such as one person being stubborn, misunderstandings and the limitations of language are unisex - but are quickly summed up as "thats women for you''.

To clarify - the next time you have fight with a girl about the time she takes to get ready and put makeup or the fact you are a lazy slob, simply ask yourself whether you would be having the same fight with a guy. If the answer is no - then ask yourself why? Is it because the innate diferences between men and women, or simply because the guy you are thinking of does not communicate in the same manner as your girlfriend?

Everyone can get stubborn, aggressive, introverted or even let himself get tangled up in his own lingual inadequacy - avoiding pinning any of these issues as a "girl thing" or a "guy thing" is key to solving them.

Part 2: The Geekette

I promised more on this topic in an earlier text I wrote about geeks and nerds. First things fist, allow me to explain what the Geekette is.

As mentioned before, most real nerds and geeks are social outcasts. As such, they fall victim to some of the pitfalls of social ineptitude. These include a sense of privilege that is completely unfounded - the idea that they deserve a Geekette.

What is a Geekette? It is a fictional being that loves all the things they do. A girl that shares a passion for every single hobby they indulge in. "But Matt!" you say "You silly scoundrel! I've met lots of gamer/nerdy/comic-fan/whatever girls! They exist!". To that I say - off course they do. The problem is the Geekette is not simply that - the Geekette is a a product of a guarded, bitter personality, a recluse. The problem is many-fold:

Firstly this person, this Geekette, must love all that they love, but must also not have her own attitude or opinion - they must agree in all respect with the nerd. This is a consequence of their segregation and isolation - nerds are used to fighting over the internet and constantly being judged. They want a girl who has no spine, who will never fight with them - just endlessly agree and share in enjoying their (his) hobby.

Secondly, the Geekette must be hot. This is a subjective trait, off course, but most geeks have unjustifiably high standards in regards to the beauty of their fictitious partner. This inability to work on their own appearance but to expect perfection ties in with the next point.

Finally, we arrive to the biggest issue - the sense of entitlement. Like a large part socially flawed individuals, the nerd/geek assumes that he is right and the world is wrong. As such, he demands some sort of payback - call it hope, call it pride, but the geek believes he DESERVES a geekette. Other people make the same mistake all the time - they assume THE ONE will one day come to them, with no effort invested. What makes this especially painfull in the case of nerds is the fact they strive for a Geekette while completely ignoring the fact they might need to work on their own appearance and personality. They want it all, with no investment - and ignoring the fact that the Geekette does not exist.

Unfortunately, the situation is by no means alleviated by the fact some girls have picked up on this insurmountable need geeks have for Geekettes. I spoke a little in my other text on how even some celebrities have picked up on the demand for "hot nerdy girls". This widespread cruelty is demonstrated by a large number of girls easily sensing this need for a Geekette, and playing it for some sort of gain. Nerds can be used as resources - and if all you need to do to harness this resource is wear a Battlestar Galactica shirt and know your anime, then it is a pretty cheap resource.

This is sad not only because it is ruthless manipulation on the side of those "fake geekettes" - its also grievously insulting to female geeks and nerds. Imagine how a gamer, geeky girl (remember, shes not a Geekette - a geekette is a non existent super hot nerdy girl with no real attitude) must feel when she notices her male contemporaries fawning over some faux-gamer girl with hot-teacher glasses and a tight shirt that emphasizes her boobs and her fake love of Skyrim.

What can be done? Well, not much. I consider myself a nerd/geek and I can identify some of my downsides such as an abysmal stubbornness. This stubbornness will stop most people to reacting to advice or accepting the Geekette does not exist. What you can do is to try and boycott quasi-geekettes and, hopefully, work on bettering yourself and/or your nerd friends by slowly introducing them to the fact the geekette isnt real - but your friend Ana you play Mass Effect with might be just as good.

NOTE: Here is a well written text on a similar topic,written by Forbs' Tara Brown.